We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
