I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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