Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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