she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
