Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
