I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
