who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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