My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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