your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
