U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
