Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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