I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
