so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
