Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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