I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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