Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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