Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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