she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
