k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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