guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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