Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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