No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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