So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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