What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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