Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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