Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
