If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
