I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
