I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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