So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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