He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
