so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
