I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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