sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
