just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
