You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
