I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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