I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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