don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize