we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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