I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
