i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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