Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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