I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
