i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
