If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
