And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
