there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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