I wish I could teleport
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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