dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
