3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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