just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
there is puke in my bra ... again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
