are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
