i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
