Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
