i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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