Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
