She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
