idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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