OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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