please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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