"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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