i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
