there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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